I was an ass!

This morning about 5:00 a.m., my telephone rang, so being my day off, I just ignored it, and of course Vito didn't move.  A few minutes later it rings again, then in another few minutes it rings again.  So I finally jump out of bed only making it to the phone by the time it stopped.  I did not recognize the number, but proceeded to call the number back.  In frustration and anger after being awaken that early on my only Saturday off in 3 weeks, I blurted out at the person, "What do you want?!"  He said, "What?"   I said, "You called me, what do you want?"  He said, "I assure you nobody here called you."  More aggravated than ever I hung up on the person.

After hanging up, I started to think that it sounded like my neighbor, who is a sweet person and I couldn't understand what happened.  I went back to bed and the phone proceeded to start ringing again.  1, 2, 3 times, so I got up, again ticked off and took the phone off the hook.  

Then my dog started to bark!!  God!!!!!!  I was fuming by now, so I made her stop and then I made my coffee.  As I am making the coffee she starts to bark again, and sure that she is going to wake the neighborhood, I really blew my top at her.  She accidently nicked my finger as she pretended to be aggressive, in reality scared, and boy that was the straw that broke the camels back.  So I yelled at her.

Poor dog, just wanted to bark.  And although I really wanted to sleep, in the grand scheme of it all, there was no reason to get so upset.  It was actually a beautiful morning and I was just over reacting.  How ridiculous!!

On the edge

I have been working on organizing all of my family photos, and as I have been going through them, it is a realization of how fast time is passing.

Only yesterday it seems that I was in high school, just waiting until I would become "the legal age" to do whatever in the world I wanted.  How stupid the youth is now looking through 53 year old eyes.  And I am sure that when I am 80, if I make it to that age, I will look back and think 53 was young.

As I see time seeming shorter by the day, more and more lines on my face, my body not looking or feeling like my body anymore, I am increasingly becoming dissatisfied with the mundane pattern of life and I want more.

When I say that I want more, it has nothing with wanting material things, only wanting more adventure, seeing things that I want to see, and living somewhere that I would really like to live and grow old.

I know there is more and I feel deserving.  I just have to figure out how, where, and what I want to do.

Life is really really short!!

Elizabeth Maria Monahan

I found out several days ago that my dearest and oldest friend, second mother, and confidant passed away at the age of 90.  Although I know that she was old, with many ailments, she was a gentle and courageous spirit with a marvelous lust for life and living, and a gracious person.  

I have not seen Betty in many years, yet every holiday I would receive a card from her with a note or letter inside.  As years passed, her daughter Barbara would write for her, as Betty lost her eyesight.  She never complained and loved the people around her more fully than anyone I have ever known.

When I was young, I would get on my bicycle every day and ride to her house, often spending the night.  I was troubled during some of those years, and I believe I may not be here today had it not been for Betty.  She understood me and my pain, she never minimized my feelings, only giving of herself which was shear pure love.  After spending time with her, I often was reduced to laughter after having been in tears to start with.  I know my mother never understood our relationship, and I believe actually was jealous.  She would never know me like Betty.

To many people, she was odd, maybe crazy.  Not to me, maybe eccentric, but wonderfully eccentric.  

I miss her.  Just knowing that she was alive and of sound mind always was a comfort to me.  I knew that there was someone that loved me with a pure heart.  

I feel lost without her in the world and in my opinion, the world has lost a priceless treasure.

Sleep with Angels Betty.  I hope there is an afterlife, as I will be looking for you.