On the edge

I have been working on organizing all of my family photos, and as I have been going through them, it is a realization of how fast time is passing.

Only yesterday it seems that I was in high school, just waiting until I would become "the legal age" to do whatever in the world I wanted.  How stupid the youth is now looking through 53 year old eyes.  And I am sure that when I am 80, if I make it to that age, I will look back and think 53 was young.

As I see time seeming shorter by the day, more and more lines on my face, my body not looking or feeling like my body anymore, I am increasingly becoming dissatisfied with the mundane pattern of life and I want more.

When I say that I want more, it has nothing with wanting material things, only wanting more adventure, seeing things that I want to see, and living somewhere that I would really like to live and grow old.

I know there is more and I feel deserving.  I just have to figure out how, where, and what I want to do.

Life is really really short!!

Elizabeth Maria Monahan

I found out several days ago that my dearest and oldest friend, second mother, and confidant passed away at the age of 90.  Although I know that she was old, with many ailments, she was a gentle and courageous spirit with a marvelous lust for life and living, and a gracious person.  

I have not seen Betty in many years, yet every holiday I would receive a card from her with a note or letter inside.  As years passed, her daughter Barbara would write for her, as Betty lost her eyesight.  She never complained and loved the people around her more fully than anyone I have ever known.

When I was young, I would get on my bicycle every day and ride to her house, often spending the night.  I was troubled during some of those years, and I believe I may not be here today had it not been for Betty.  She understood me and my pain, she never minimized my feelings, only giving of herself which was shear pure love.  After spending time with her, I often was reduced to laughter after having been in tears to start with.  I know my mother never understood our relationship, and I believe actually was jealous.  She would never know me like Betty.

To many people, she was odd, maybe crazy.  Not to me, maybe eccentric, but wonderfully eccentric.  

I miss her.  Just knowing that she was alive and of sound mind always was a comfort to me.  I knew that there was someone that loved me with a pure heart.  

I feel lost without her in the world and in my opinion, the world has lost a priceless treasure.

Sleep with Angels Betty.  I hope there is an afterlife, as I will be looking for you.