So for the past two weeks, I have gone to counseling with Vito, trying to see if we can fix this marriage or if it is beyond repair. One thing I know for sure is we both love one another or we wouldn't be here together after so many trials and tribulations together. Another thing I know for sure is that we are affected by what happens to us during childhood. We can think we are immune and that just accepting and moving on, that it does not matter, but I can speak from personal experience, it affects us more than we know.
For most of my life I have been repressing many memories from my childhood and teens, now I see that those memories, though I thought were no longer important and that I had moved beyond are still haunting me to this day and have shaped my entire existence. Now at the age of 57, I am trying to piece my life back together and truly move beyond all of the muck that has been my life.
I am not blaming anyone, but I feel sad and I realize that it has effected my eating patterns, the relationships that I have had with men, and my inability to set boundaries and just say NO to people, instead of being the endless people pleaser that sucks my energy dry.
I don't know how long I will be able to afford these counseling sessions, but one thing for sure, a good counselor is worth their weight in gold. I hope a year from now, I will finally be able to peacefully bury some of these old skeletons that haunt me. Hopefully I will either have a good marriage, or either we will have moved on to different paths separately, but one thing is certain, we should both be in better mental condition and better people for it.
Counseling is a good thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment