I was an ass!

This morning about 5:00 a.m., my telephone rang, so being my day off, I just ignored it, and of course Vito didn't move.  A few minutes later it rings again, then in another few minutes it rings again.  So I finally jump out of bed only making it to the phone by the time it stopped.  I did not recognize the number, but proceeded to call the number back.  In frustration and anger after being awaken that early on my only Saturday off in 3 weeks, I blurted out at the person, "What do you want?!"  He said, "What?"   I said, "You called me, what do you want?"  He said, "I assure you nobody here called you."  More aggravated than ever I hung up on the person.

After hanging up, I started to think that it sounded like my neighbor, who is a sweet person and I couldn't understand what happened.  I went back to bed and the phone proceeded to start ringing again.  1, 2, 3 times, so I got up, again ticked off and took the phone off the hook.  

Then my dog started to bark!!  God!!!!!!  I was fuming by now, so I made her stop and then I made my coffee.  As I am making the coffee she starts to bark again, and sure that she is going to wake the neighborhood, I really blew my top at her.  She accidently nicked my finger as she pretended to be aggressive, in reality scared, and boy that was the straw that broke the camels back.  So I yelled at her.

Poor dog, just wanted to bark.  And although I really wanted to sleep, in the grand scheme of it all, there was no reason to get so upset.  It was actually a beautiful morning and I was just over reacting.  How ridiculous!!

On the edge

I have been working on organizing all of my family photos, and as I have been going through them, it is a realization of how fast time is passing.

Only yesterday it seems that I was in high school, just waiting until I would become "the legal age" to do whatever in the world I wanted.  How stupid the youth is now looking through 53 year old eyes.  And I am sure that when I am 80, if I make it to that age, I will look back and think 53 was young.

As I see time seeming shorter by the day, more and more lines on my face, my body not looking or feeling like my body anymore, I am increasingly becoming dissatisfied with the mundane pattern of life and I want more.

When I say that I want more, it has nothing with wanting material things, only wanting more adventure, seeing things that I want to see, and living somewhere that I would really like to live and grow old.

I know there is more and I feel deserving.  I just have to figure out how, where, and what I want to do.

Life is really really short!!

Elizabeth Maria Monahan

I found out several days ago that my dearest and oldest friend, second mother, and confidant passed away at the age of 90.  Although I know that she was old, with many ailments, she was a gentle and courageous spirit with a marvelous lust for life and living, and a gracious person.  

I have not seen Betty in many years, yet every holiday I would receive a card from her with a note or letter inside.  As years passed, her daughter Barbara would write for her, as Betty lost her eyesight.  She never complained and loved the people around her more fully than anyone I have ever known.

When I was young, I would get on my bicycle every day and ride to her house, often spending the night.  I was troubled during some of those years, and I believe I may not be here today had it not been for Betty.  She understood me and my pain, she never minimized my feelings, only giving of herself which was shear pure love.  After spending time with her, I often was reduced to laughter after having been in tears to start with.  I know my mother never understood our relationship, and I believe actually was jealous.  She would never know me like Betty.

To many people, she was odd, maybe crazy.  Not to me, maybe eccentric, but wonderfully eccentric.  

I miss her.  Just knowing that she was alive and of sound mind always was a comfort to me.  I knew that there was someone that loved me with a pure heart.  

I feel lost without her in the world and in my opinion, the world has lost a priceless treasure.

Sleep with Angels Betty.  I hope there is an afterlife, as I will be looking for you.

Proud to be American

It has been a week since the 2008 election and Barack Obama won!

Amazing election and I am so very proud to be an American!!  It has been a while that I have been able to say that, and it is high time to finally elect someone that cares about the country and not just the money he puts in his pockets.  I really believe with my whole heart that Obama will be the Peoples President and that even if he is not able to fix this terrible mess Bush will be leaving this country in, at least I don't feel that he will do anything to hurt us.

Also it is high time to equal the playing field and it is over due for African Americans to finally be considered equal to white people (as they certainly are!).  I think that it will be refreshing to have a little color in the white house and the Obamas are certainly colorful, and not just for the color of their skin, they are vibrant and alive and a loving family! Hurray for the Obamas! Hurry for American!  We finally woke up and maybe we can gain respect from the world again.

Maybe we may even achieve peace!  Wouldn't that be something?!!!!

God bless you President Elect Obama!!  You will need all the help God can give you after the Bush administration.

Frances' Passing

Last night my Aunt passed away from pancreatic cancer.  She had fought a long battle with cancer and had been an inspiration over the past three to four years.

I am sad at heart today as I will never be able to give her a call when I want to hear a logical voice.  I will never be able to get silly with her and laugh until I pee my pants.  I will never argue with her, and boy could she argue.  Mostly I will never be able to see, hear of just know that she is there.

Of course I am happy that she no long suffers and is probably in a better place than me, but emotionally, I feel such an overwhelming loss.

Life will never be the same without my Aunt Shorty in it.

Vice-Presidential Debate 2008

Last night like a great deal of America, I watched the debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin.

Well, if America is dumb enough to vote for the ticket with the chance that she could end up as president, well I should just say, America would deserve what they would obviously get, a disaster!

Palin is so incredibly fakey and it is obvious she only rehearsed and memorized what she wanted to say, speaking 90 mph as to use up all of her time and not have to answer the questions asked, which she decided in ever such a rude manner not to do.

Good God, a Bible thumping ignorant red neck is what she is!  Wake up people!  Could you ever really believe this person will get the respect of the world and keep us safe?  Not to mention setting women back!

Frances for Obama

My Aunt is dying of the last stages pancreatic cancer and is a true inspiration.  Never have I seen anyone within my circle of family or friends that is so courageous and has faced such horrendous health issues and surgeries over the past 7 years.  She does not complain at length about her situation, nor does she try to gain sympathy from others, but actually abhors that sort of behavior.  Rather she continues to be that marvelous inspiration and takes every opportunity to see the beauty of life, she appreciates nature to the fullest and takes delight in a nice breeze or listening to the birds singing.  

Recently I flew home to see her which was quite painful as I expected to not see her again.  It was hard to leave knowing that I would not sit and gab with her ever again, or laugh with her, which she is the only person in my life that could catch undercurrent little remarks that others would miss as if we knew something no one else did, and laugh until we would almost pee in our pants.

Frances told me the only thing that she was upset about is that she loves her life so much, that she just doesn't feel ready to go yet.  She told me there were so many things she still wanted to do, such as her art.  Then she said she hoped she made it at least to be able to vote in the next election.  She so wanted to be able to cast her vote for Obama.  Today as I checked my Brother-in-laws blog, which he post pictures of my Aunt and updates on her health, he mentioned that she is registered to vote and even has an Obama bumper sticker on her wheelchair.  I pray she has that opportunity and with the grace of God, I hope she gets to see history made this year.

With this in mind I often wonder how so many people can look at themselves in the mirror and go about their day to day lives without getting involved in saving our nation and our world.  It is beyond me.  All I can say is I am glad that I have people in my family like Frances.  If only there were more people like her in the world.